New Day

Silence

A Dog barks

Footsteps

A faint conversation

A door slams

car engine running

Off to work

New day beginning

Alarm ringing

Enter code

Shutters up

Doors are open

Customer enters

“Good morning”

Tills ringing

People queuing

Bags full

bus home

feet up

The day is done

Cuppa

Aaahhhhhh!

Lost

Nothing to say

And the atmospheres tense

So lonely living life alone

Your body is here but your mind is gone

You were never 100% committed

memories of the past hurts

You started pulling away from me

And I had to continue alone

Early days were so much fun

We talked and planned

But those days are gone

Now we sit in silence

You on your phone

Summer morning

This mornings dog walk was a lovely slow mooch with lots of sniffs, so I took advantage of the stops and took some photos.

Such a riot of colour, light and texture, a wonderful start to the day.

Seasons of life

Hardship is good for you

So they say

Makes you a better person

Oh hurray!

Be thankful

For what you’ve got

Even if

It’s not a lot

Look to the future

Forget the past

And happiness

Will come at last

Seasons of life

The good and the bad

Forget what you’ve lost

Or might never have

Rekindling

This year has been tough

A relationship that wasn’t working and the death of my mum along with living conditions and health concerns has really left me reeling.

I lost myself for a long time in a fog of darkness, feeling angry and sad all at the same time, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I was dreading the funeral and seeing my children for the first time in many years, but at the same time wanting to reconcile our differences and try to mend our relationships, I missed them so much.

Mums passing has been a shock for everyone, it was sudden and totally unexpected, she had seemed healthy! My youngest is the executor and arranged everything along with his wife, bless them they have so much to deal with already, on a daily basis with two children ‘on the spectrum’, but they did an amazing job, and continue to do so.

I managed to arrange some time with two of my boys to talk, and things seem to be going ok, we are talking at least! It’s a step in the right direction and I am grateful they have given me the chance.

My living conditions and health issues are still ongoing but the failing relationship is no more. I just couldn’t carry on with all the stress and pressure putting my health at risk of catastrophic failure, and I need time to heal myself.

Something like this shows you the people that are worth keeping in your life, those who ask if you’re ok, only three of them! and two of those are customers who have really been there showing their support, the other is a lovely friend who I met through work a long time ago now, but has offered support and asked after me regularly, it means so much to me.

So now I am alone with my dogs.

It’s ok, my day is still full of pain, but I have a renwed appreciation for the things I used to love.. music, Qigong, meditation, reading,sound therapy and photography. Filling my days to keep busy but also beginning to rekindle my love for things I had lost for a while.

Over the years I lost sight of my inner self and the things I loved because of heartache and trauma and I thought I would never get them back, I didn’t even realise I wanted them back.

It feels right.

Peace

Babbling brook

Tinkling sounds

Shining ripples

Pebbles and stones

Waving shadows

Shining light

Gurgling water

Rainbows bright

Under the bridge

Shady trees

Gentle echos

Rustling leaves

Hooting owl

Sunset glows

Peaceful sounds

Darkness folds

Sound Therapy

Living alone is strange

I’ve been part of a couple for so long

But my mind has regressed

Back in time to another split

Where music was my salvation

My support

When I played the old favourites

Survivor and Chris de burgh

Boston and Foreigner

They healed me then and help me now

Losing myself in familiar tunes

Sound therapy

And Of course the wine helps as wel

Music Man

I wrote this about a lovely man I met some years ago. We spent a short time together but he really touched my soul. I think of him often.

Fly away

On wings of sound

Sweet refrain

All around

Music man

Play your heart

Fire and ice

A work of art

Passion your guide

Darkness and light

Feel the emotion

Use them, don’t fight

Pleasure and pain

Heaven and hell

We’ve your magic

Cast your spell

Missing you

I never realised how much I would miss you

You always thought I was more for dad

So did I

I was wrong and so were you

Your passing has affected me so much more than I expected

I am inconsolable without you

I don’t know what to do with myself

I want to run away and hide

Lost in my sorrow

Is this love

I am in mourning

For the loss of the man I once loved

We’ve been together a lifetime

Faced loss and adversity

But you gave up

Left me to face things alone

Pulling away bit by bit over the years

Until there was nothing left

No common ground

Nothing shared

Just Unfulfilled promises

And broken dreams

The emptiness and the hurt are overwhelming

and so I mourn

a future lost

What could have been